Atrafe - ma

Found their humble looking CD by sheer accident in neighbourhood CD store, a local rock band called " Comment" .This is the title of the first track, reminding us of "distance among people", "the ways between people" and how we forget to remember each other....It's good to say that I can "remember" myself now...by sheer accident.

It's good to be back....I can not wipe the smile on my face.

LESS

Sleep-LESS that’s what I have become, the weird voices of Farsi1 dubbers echoing in my head , Happy birthday Farsi1 , happy happy birthday for the channel who encourages the sophisticated cultures of Korea and 3rd hand countries of South America, where the most mysterious character of all time is a weird looking hippie.. .Lordi Lord.
My dog has pissed right in the hall floor since I have forgotten to take the poor thing outside,I forget to take myself outside while carry over effect is 80% with product margin of 27%, meeting is still on, I feel dizzy and try not to fall on the table sleeping…..shit, control yourself man, the guy is looking right in your eyes….

Is that little mazda who used to know everything when I was 6, is a sign of schizophrenia? Damn, I should spend less on the Net with this psychic stuff,,,I have become officially Mad or as my wife told me this morning, whatever happens on earth you stay sad…

The Hours

Came back from a long drive, in endless narrow streets and villages out of town, found ourselves trapped for couple of hours in the circle of strange faces and strange Adour of sweat in the air… we are here ,couple of hours after midnight, fed the dog, take her out to pee (you didn't ,you just waited in the Lot for her to come back), had a sip of Pure Drinking Water, as it was claimed and turned on the TV…MBC MAX, The Hours, of the favorites which I have watched more than once and suddenly you caught yourself crying, crying and crying like a waterfall…You follow every move of Julian Moore, in a weird way, like you know her, like she is real, like you have followed her, stalked her for a long time and you know what she will do next….you gazed at melancholic gesture of Virginia Wolfe, staring endlessly at nothing…..and FEEL the emptiness inside yourself so real, so Moore…try to breathe, assure your wife that you will join her to sleep, it's just another scene of a favorite movie (my God my hand hurts) and your stomach turns…you fly inside with magical Philip Glass sound track, like the flying turtle which your wife has seen in her dreams the other night..and you cannot stop the river of your tears…." You don't have to come to the party", says the woman. the AIDS-Sick writer bitterly looks back and says" but I should still face The Hours" and that's exactly that you fetch for something in tissue to wipe away the tears…and of course the box is empty, there has not been any Pandora's box, never been, the dream are not locked down there , they have been flown away..the Writer kills himself and you turn off the TV and go to other room to check something…decided half way to go to bed and for the first time in your whole 40 years of life you afraid of the dark ,your bed seems like a swamp but you let go and lie down……moments later you feel the unbearable lightness of being on your chest ….why so isolated, speechless, talkative, senseless, rude sad, ugly, lonely, insecure? When I have become all that?
I fly around and my heart aches for the loneliness of my mother in that ancient house, in all those years…I feel scared for my niece "hearing voices"….I wish I could have said what I have felt sometimes…it should have made things more complicated…it's 4:02 am now…still turns..

Locals

Call me what ever you want BUT I have done with it, the annoying gesture of Iranian people, I am fed up, I am ganna throw up, literally and phisycally.

I am done with all SHITt-e-chat , emotional statement , ignorant comment amf sellfish looks, I am done with that...hala oon aghabiya , dasta kojast..? Finished, Finito leave me alone, I am goinna die alone, in a jungle, h a p p i l y, dying alone....thanks for not asking whereabouts....

Too Bad

Watching a rare good video , it’s Nickleback , the Canadian Rock band which again put you into wonder if any Canadian has ever feel the pain….well, it’s a perception of people from Middle east, isn’t it?
It reminded me of of almost 17 years back, when some day, out of the blue, My Mom realized that my dad failed to pay Home’s mortgage for almost 14 months…..that was a gloomy day, believe me…obviously I didn’t have the slightest idea of what’s going on but I was sure that something BAD has happened m lot’s of crying and all….and now, you are 40 and you catch yourself wiping off your tears of this video…reminding you of a abandoned dad and all, how much difference does it make?

You are done.

Tears too much to wipe away…

D.L.L

There are significant cultural differences between different tribes in Iran (and elsewhere) in dialects, approach toward life, social behavior etc. and as a Azari, I try to understand that. All comprehendible ,BUT there are some fake ones! Check these out; Pronouncing Navardeboun as Tehrani dialect (remember Dariush song?) , Reading “Loznameh” in the morning while listing to “DIKS” etc etc. Well, we know them all, as Iranians we also can not pronounce some specific words correctly like “Washington” but sometimes we dare to choose the most difficult ones.....Just recently I went to see a cousin of mine, I was suppose to get a tool from her, she was busy at kitchen while I asked her not to forget to give me the “Drill” and she said ok. ..ten minutes afterward she went toward TV and DVD set and asked me “you said you wanted Dream or something?” amazed I said no dear, I asked for DRILL, Oreka in her mind she said ”aaah, you want Delel!” DLL? Delel? What the f…? why ,just tell me why on earth you choose that?

Well, that’s the story of our lives, isn’t it? Why we choose that?

..................

يادت هست زندگی چه خلوت بود؟ شبها تاريک بود؟ مٌبل راحتی روبروی من هميشه خالی بود؟ نمی دانی چقدر شلوغ شده است، برو و بيا، بريز و بپاش، قرتی بازی، درس، بستنی، سفر، کار، تلفن، ماشينسورای، آبونمان مجلات اقتصادی، خريد و خشکشويی؛ شهر فرنگ را يادت هست؟ همان، تحت ويندوز؛ ولی هنوز هم جای تو خالی است. انگار تمام اين قشقرق و هلهله و هياهو اصلا صدا ندارد، هر چه هست پژواک کمرنگ خاطرات روزهايی است که ديگر برنمی گردند.

Did I...?

Another sip from bottle, no, not like that, not like the good old days , dangling along the clouds of puffs and sipping endlessly of bottle of scotch or vodka, what would be the difference ? Alcohol would do the job…not anymore, just had water, mineral water containing 4.7% sodium and 8.9% calcium….enough to make high on an element of life, to take you back to your boat on the river…to wash away the bad taste in your mouth…

You hardly can hear it…it’s your personal phone, with that weird ring tone” That bitch ain’t part of me, I said no…”, it’s an old friend who tells you he pull aside on the road and started to cry on a song on the radio which reminds him of me….sweet Mary in heaven….he tells you things he shouldn’t have, he reminds of you bits and pieces….that’s cruel, God bless his good soul.

..And it reminds you that you are nothing but an aging fart moving with the speed of light to another world, to come back in misery again ‘cause there’s no “rest in peace”, the game shall begin again.

Midlife crisis ? maybe, but I cannot afford the bloody Porsche, I am left with bad taste in my mouth, oceans cannot wash it away…God bless you my friend but please don’t call me again, you reminded me of good old days, you left the bad taste in my mouth...

I have shown them all

I DO remember talking to a friend, I was trying to maneuver my way around a topic and I have been told to stop bluffing cause they have seem them all …here in 360.

I have not been a very diplomatic man though loved to think so, I have always trembled in pleasure in taking an extra mile in straight talk, I like to think that is so manly…

But I do have a soft side, is my Cancerian sign , my genes (really? Whose genes?) or it’s just me.

I love to share , feel and ….no it’s not Sony Ericsson, it’s just feelings,

who’s there?

The hard way

Trying to sleep ,it is 5 in the morning, I was thinking in my brown Dish Desha under the fake blanket, sweating like shit down under all those cheap artificial material…I was trying to sleep in Ahwaz last night…

You know you got philosophical sometimes in middle of the night , so did I….and I was thinking that I have learn “IT” the hard way…

Teenage hood , as the starting point, stand alone in the crowd, different, in a cheap shit town…alone, didn’t know it is just the beginning..

Falling in love….so easy, didn’t know it is just a few left….time flown….

Starting to smoke, did not know it would take only 18 years and a few months, did not enjoy that much…

Earned my own money…did not know there would a lot, gone ,leaving me smiling ,broke in the middle of the night in Park Way high way under snow (please refer to my previous posts).

Started to understand the music, Batachman turner overdrive, Fog hat, pink Floyd, Bob Seger..didn’t know Sasy Mankan will be an all time favorite quite soon…

Remember a friend told me once “ I am very happy to have you, too thin and in shape…we didn’t know no one will recognize me in few years …..so bald & fat…

I learned to shout & curse, to be a typical manager…did not know my heart will fail me on a smooth raise in voice….very soon..

Learned to cry a lot…did not have the chance to learn that I will forget the last time I cried…what a shame…

Used to live a lot….so carefree, now I look around, very carefully when I am going to turn behind the wheel, so senseless, so framed & flagged. …

The nearby Mosque woke up and started the early show, the whole house lightened up, time to pray, a broken Salath , for a nasty traveler through the time ,he has learned them all the hard way.

دروغهای حقیقی

می گوید جمله بساز...

جمله ای که دو تا "جیم "داشته باشد ..

کمی فکر می کنم

و ناامیدانه

لب می گزم

و دوباره

ناخن می جوم ..

دوستش دارم .

همانطوری ؛با آن چشمها...

که از عسل شیرین ترند

و کهربایی تر.

دستم را می گیرد که دیگر ناخن نجوم.

که نابودشان نکنم..که نابودش نکنم..

نگاهش می کنم با دلشوره ؛

- -"جنون جدید."

- می گوید این که جمله نیست.

- - " جمله نیست.."جیم " که دارد."

- چیزهای دیگری هم هستند که جمله نیستند و جیم دارند.

- حتی صفتهای دیگر.

- و بهترینشان فحشها هستند.

- از آن آبدارهایش.

- که روزی بیست و پنج هزار با ر

- در دلم

- نثارش می کنم...

- و چون صاحب آن چشمهاست ..

- و چون که تنش از گنجشکی که تیر مشقی خورده گرمتر است ...

- و چون که لبهایش ورقلمبیده مثل سنگهای کف رودخانه ...

- خواهرش را ؛

- و مادرش را ،

- تا می توانم به خاک و خون می کشم..

- و دلم خنک می شود.

- و در دلم باد می وزد ..

- بادها در هم می آمیزند و کم کم برگهای زرد و قرمز از جا بلند می شوند.

- طوفان می آید لعنتی ...

- و طوفان با حرکتی ناگهانی ..

- می ریزد توی رانها ..

- توی زانو ..

- و تا به نوک انگشتان پا نرسد ..

- آرام نمی گیرد.

- - حالا چرا " جنون جدید " ؟

- نخواهی دانست.

- نخواهی فهمید.

- تو خیلی زیبایی.

- بسیار هم خوش طعمی .

- طوری که نامت را از یاد برده ام.

- و اغلب،

- آب نبات صدایت می زنم.

- و تو خیلی کوچکی..

- خیلی نادانی ..

- خیلی مستقیمی و

- انتهای عقلت

- تنها

- به سینه هایم قد می دهد.

- و نخواهی دانست..

- و نخواهی فهمید که چرا...

- آدم حسابی ها ....

- باید با " چهارپایه " و " طناب " و " زیرزمین " جمله بسازند...

- و اهمیتی ندارد که " جیم " داشته باشد یا نه .

- و چرا پرتقالها را کوک می کنند ...

- و چرا برایت بهتر است

- تا آخر عمر

- عاشق من باشی

من به فروش مي رسم

اتاق جوانان، مدل پنجاه و شش، هفت رنگ، ساخت ايران.
دست دوم. بدون سند. با مدارک کافي. نمرات معتبر بين المللي.
با قيمت مناسب*. فروش نقد و اقساط. تحويل در محل، صد در صد رايگان.

قطعات جانبي شامل دو دست درازتر از دو پا، دو چشم کور**، يک رودهء دراز، يک دماغ اضافي و غيره.
مغز آکبند، قلب خاکستري : ضد يخ دارد.
سپر آمريکايي، ضد ضربه.
رينگ اسپرت، دو حلقه لاستيک رخش دو هزار :‌ مثل اسب مي تازد.

سي دي : دارد.
ضبط و پخش :‌ ندارد.
زدگي : دارد.
زندگي : ندارد.
ايراد موتوري، تصادف جدي : دارد.
گارانتي : ندارد.
بيمهء بدنه، دزدي، آتش سوزي، طوفان، زلزله، جنگ جهاني سوم : دارد.
بيمهء شخص ثالث :‌ ندارد.

صاحب قبلي مرده است.
مورد استفاده : سفر به قعر دره.
لطفا براي کسب اطلاعات بيشتر به قبرستان برويد.
با عرض پوزش، چک شخصي، سفته و حواله پذيرفته نمي شود :‌
احتمالا قبل از وصول مي ميريد.
لطفا اين آگهي را براي دوستان خود بفرستيد.
پس از فروش، تعويض يا پس گرفته نمي شود، ولي مي توانيد فروشنده را زير بگيريد.

لطفا مرا بخريد.
من اين همه سال دويده ام تا خودم را براي ساعتي چند دلار بفروشم.
لطفا مرا يکجا براي چند دلار بيشتر بخريد؛
شايد بتوانم با پول شما يک ساعت از وقت خودم را براي خودم بخرم؛
شايد بتوانم يک ساعت زندگي کنم؛
شايد هم در آن يک ساعت مشتري ديگري پيدا کنم که پول بيشتري مي پردازد؛
آگهي فروش خودم را برايش بنوازم، و يک ساعت بيشتر وقت بخرم، بعد دوباره مشتري ديگري پيدا مي کنم و باز هم خودم را گرانتر و گرانتر و گرانتر مي فروشم....

لطفا مرا بخريد.
من زياد وقت ندارم، ولي آرزوهاي بزرگي دارم.

خودپرستي ممنوع

ايميلي که براي خدا فرستاده بودم برگشت خورده بود. چند وقتي مي شد هر بار که تماس مي گرفتم در دسترس نبود، روي دستگاهش هم چند بار پيغام گذاشته بودم که کار فوري دارم، انگار نه انگار. فکر مي کردم يا واقعا به تعطيلات تابستاني رفته است و يا باز هم از من دلخور است و محل نمي گذارد.

ولي ايميلم که برگشت کمي نگرانش شدم. نکند اتفاقي برايش افتاده باشد؟
در دنياي خودم قدم مي زدم. خيلي کوچک است، از اين سر به آن سرش فقط يک ليوان ويسکي طول مي کشد، تازه بيشترش هم يخ است و نوشابه. به انتهاي دنيا نزديک مي شدم که ديدم يک تابلوي جديد نصب کرده اند، رويش هم بزرگ نوشته است : « خودپرستي ممنوع ». بعيد مي دانستم غير از خودم کسي از اين مسير بگذرد، احتمالا هر کس تابلو را نصب کرده است منظورش من بوده ام. زير تابلو مي نشينم تا يک نخ سيگار بکشم. کبريت ندارم. سيگار هم ندارم. اصلا من که سيگاري نيستم، مجبور مي شوم بدون سيگار همانجا بنشينم و به تابلو خيره شوم. چرا اينجا؟ چرا حالا؟ اصلا کدام آدم بيکاري آمده است تابلوي به اين گندگي را سر راه من نصب کرده است؟ در جيبم دنبال چيزي مي گردم. سيگار ندارم. کبريت هم ندارم. دستم را در مي آورم. سکوت مطلق است. مي شکند :‌ صداي پا. يعني چه؟ اينجا که دنياي من است، من هم که همينجا هستم. سايه اي نزديک مي شود و همه جا را مي پوشاند. تابلو مي درخشد. غولي از راه مي رسد. نره خري است براي خودش. دو تا شاخ دارد. به دمش کراوات بسته است، با سنجاق سفيد و طلايي. سيگار هم مي کشد. هر چه نزديک تر مي شود همه جا تاريک تر مي شود، تابلو هم پرنور تر مي درخشد. غول ظاهرا کور است، تابلو را نمي بيند. تصادف مي کند.. مي ترکد. هزار قطعه مي شود. هوا که روشن مي شود پيرمردي خرده هاي تابلو را از همه جا جمع مي کند. کنارش مي ايستم. لبخند مي زند. سيگارِ غول را از وسط گرد و غبار پيدا مي کند و آن را مي تکاند و به دستم مي دهد. هنوز روشن است، يک پک عميق مي کشم. با تمام وجودم سرفه مي کنم و در دود سرفه هايم غرق مي شوم. به هوش که مي آيم پيرمرد ديگر نيست. سيگار را لگد مي کنم و به انتهاي دنيا مي رسم. من هيچ وقت سيگاري نبوده ام. در همان انتها مي خوابم.
امروز ايميل خدا رسيد. چيزي ننوشته بود. ايميلش خالي بود. مهم نيست، حداقل زنده است.

Under new managemnt of....

We Iranians are complicated creatures, everyone has a big big ego inside and is crazy about "being in charge"-remember that guy in Shah Mosque toilet, right?- I was watching a local soap opera in national TV and two characters were discussing who is THE MANAGER of a 3x4 meter confectionary shop,it also reminds us of funny favourite sign on retail shops, such & such shop re-opening with new MANAGEMNT OF Mr.Big Ego......

I have always wanted to be a waiter a very good waiter, I beleive there is no such a thing of serving people in the right way....just thinking loud, datz all.

Mind Control

CIA has executed secret operation to experiment Mind Control techniques on humans, using psychedlic drugs ,putting electodes in their brains , injecting virus to infants and retarded kids and prisoners and much much more just recently, 50 yeras ago!

It's called operation MKUMTRA, google it, you will be deeply shocked on how advanced and rutless science is, without general knowledge of everyday people.

The other man

Try to get & watch this movie, a man play chess in an Italian Cafe with his wife's lover...amzing plot and acting.

It's all about the concept "would you do it, if you got the chance?"

Would you?

When you get blocked

Not the one you think...It's the one feeling when you see your wife works 24/7 to keep your kid in best condition, when she feeds her while she can not eat properly herself when it's forbidden for her to eat a small chalk of choclate or cookie or anything practically.....you feel blocked of how to say Thank you.

If by any chance she reads this , hope she understands how much I appreciate all this.

My destinations

Europe: Amesterdam, Lisbon, Nice,Monte Carlo, Liechtenstein, Bern, salsburg,Prague, Saint petersburg,Milan,Ibiza, Majorca,Barcelona, Berlin

Middle east: Lebanon

North Africa: Morocco, Tunis

South Africa: Cape town, Zanzibar,Mauritius

Asia: Goa, Goa, Goa and again

That's it so far....

Envy

Let me tell you a secret; the only ting on earth which I may envy someone is Tango dancing (real tango not sticking together like two dull hangers move 2 inches per hour)

I remember watching a professional couple in a south american restaurant in Dubai dancing very seriously and Oh God so beautiful.

So if for any reason you caught me having a diet, make sure I am taking Dance courses! (remember that stranage bald character in Shall We Dance movie?)

My Dog

Against all bullshit advice of kind faces(and voices) around, we have continued to keep our lovely dog, Fandogh. Her combination with our newly born is not the ultimate recepie for pleasure but she is one of the few creatures to die for ; her expections are minimal and Crystal Clear(feed me on right time, cuddle me from time to time and take me out when I inform you to pee) .

It's lovely to see when she piss in the right side of our dead end while peeing is happening on the left corner,it's lovely to see when she barks around to make sure no daring cat is around....and after all this activities, she joins me back in elevator, breatless and happy,looking up,
another day in paradise.

On being self -centered

I have got a daughter now, most of you already know, she is lovely, sweet and cries a lot when you don't see her and of course we publish very bright face of hers on the FaceBook.

I have realized a creey though coming to me as a remedy, as a resolution to all stupid things around....I will make this girl like MYSELF.

I will show her the world(the way I see it), will bring books to read and explore the music and everything which I like....another soft copy of unique existance of us? why???

Someone help me on this dilema.

United family

I have noticed recently that in some family gathetring, The big guys start wondering where the rest of cousins are, it does not matter, young or old, where are they? are they coming here? let's call them and invite them and if they are already invited,check if they are hit by the bus are suffocated in Subway and why why why they are not in yet?

So here they are, the interrogation starts; how was the traffic, you car broke down/could not find taxi? how is the weather outside? are you ok? how is your mom? pass my best regards,wish she was here with us....and suddenly a death silence rulls over.....out of questions, everyone staring uneasily at the ceiling or fruit bowl on the table or murmerizing sound of PMC or bloody FARSI1 on TV.

Next rush is eating all fruits at once (does not husrt you, it's just 3 tonnes of fruit) and of course sheer volume of tastless and bad cooking of pre-fabricated local cuisin....have it with Dough,
Zam zam softdrink or greasy tab water?

Bon Apetit!

Misery

I have exposed to disturbing sound of a Korean soap opera in FARSI1 (I will kill Murdoch for creating this channel, someday), the story goes with a uncivilized bold & bitter young woman who happen to be confronted with her abondened father and that's exactly where a sheer 12 minutes volume of cuts & bruises goes on......

Made me laugh actually since there is long time which I have realized that ëach room IS NOT the center of the world"-The Sacred Belief of my 20's-that we humans are a bunch of self pity ass(or arse) holes who think whatever bad luck in the whole univesrse is customized to screw ME and only ME, very funny creatures...

Jack! when you lost it, when you dad screw around when he should be home and caring, when you are born in wrong place with gutless parents, when you just pass the exams and you have not been EDUCATED, when the soundtrack of your childhood and teengae days has been endless rain drops in cold nights of a small shaggy town, when your mind cuts your off with reality to remain sane (REALLY WHEN THAT HAPPENED?) when you start try & error in Career World and you have found your way(SUPRISE, SUPRISE) of being street smart, what the hell you expect?

Happy smiley, happy bruisy...

LOST

4 golden fish are wondering in the bowl in front of me and each strike on keyboard make them move around a bit, 7 SINS are there and I am thinking I have completely lost it.
The sense of new year, excitment (last up to 7 of age) and all that shit.

I am not the only one I suppose, what ? what are looking at? my excitment which falls into GOLDEN memories of banging doors and silent house? don't get me started.

I am not the only one,, staring @ the sun, Bono said.

New year format for men

I have realized shiny silver suits are the most wanted this year, from youngsters to Haji's,sweet Lord almight , seems like an unofficial gay parade throughout the city!

Intro.

Sometimes past midnight in new year's endless holiday, decided to start all over again, Ahlan bekom fi my blog!