LESS

Sleep-LESS that’s what I have become, the weird voices of Farsi1 dubbers echoing in my head , Happy birthday Farsi1 , happy happy birthday for the channel who encourages the sophisticated cultures of Korea and 3rd hand countries of South America, where the most mysterious character of all time is a weird looking hippie.. .Lordi Lord.
My dog has pissed right in the hall floor since I have forgotten to take the poor thing outside,I forget to take myself outside while carry over effect is 80% with product margin of 27%, meeting is still on, I feel dizzy and try not to fall on the table sleeping…..shit, control yourself man, the guy is looking right in your eyes….

Is that little mazda who used to know everything when I was 6, is a sign of schizophrenia? Damn, I should spend less on the Net with this psychic stuff,,,I have become officially Mad or as my wife told me this morning, whatever happens on earth you stay sad…

The Hours

Came back from a long drive, in endless narrow streets and villages out of town, found ourselves trapped for couple of hours in the circle of strange faces and strange Adour of sweat in the air… we are here ,couple of hours after midnight, fed the dog, take her out to pee (you didn't ,you just waited in the Lot for her to come back), had a sip of Pure Drinking Water, as it was claimed and turned on the TV…MBC MAX, The Hours, of the favorites which I have watched more than once and suddenly you caught yourself crying, crying and crying like a waterfall…You follow every move of Julian Moore, in a weird way, like you know her, like she is real, like you have followed her, stalked her for a long time and you know what she will do next….you gazed at melancholic gesture of Virginia Wolfe, staring endlessly at nothing…..and FEEL the emptiness inside yourself so real, so Moore…try to breathe, assure your wife that you will join her to sleep, it's just another scene of a favorite movie (my God my hand hurts) and your stomach turns…you fly inside with magical Philip Glass sound track, like the flying turtle which your wife has seen in her dreams the other night..and you cannot stop the river of your tears…." You don't have to come to the party", says the woman. the AIDS-Sick writer bitterly looks back and says" but I should still face The Hours" and that's exactly that you fetch for something in tissue to wipe away the tears…and of course the box is empty, there has not been any Pandora's box, never been, the dream are not locked down there , they have been flown away..the Writer kills himself and you turn off the TV and go to other room to check something…decided half way to go to bed and for the first time in your whole 40 years of life you afraid of the dark ,your bed seems like a swamp but you let go and lie down……moments later you feel the unbearable lightness of being on your chest ….why so isolated, speechless, talkative, senseless, rude sad, ugly, lonely, insecure? When I have become all that?
I fly around and my heart aches for the loneliness of my mother in that ancient house, in all those years…I feel scared for my niece "hearing voices"….I wish I could have said what I have felt sometimes…it should have made things more complicated…it's 4:02 am now…still turns..

Locals

Call me what ever you want BUT I have done with it, the annoying gesture of Iranian people, I am fed up, I am ganna throw up, literally and phisycally.

I am done with all SHITt-e-chat , emotional statement , ignorant comment amf sellfish looks, I am done with that...hala oon aghabiya , dasta kojast..? Finished, Finito leave me alone, I am goinna die alone, in a jungle, h a p p i l y, dying alone....thanks for not asking whereabouts....

Too Bad

Watching a rare good video , it’s Nickleback , the Canadian Rock band which again put you into wonder if any Canadian has ever feel the pain….well, it’s a perception of people from Middle east, isn’t it?
It reminded me of of almost 17 years back, when some day, out of the blue, My Mom realized that my dad failed to pay Home’s mortgage for almost 14 months…..that was a gloomy day, believe me…obviously I didn’t have the slightest idea of what’s going on but I was sure that something BAD has happened m lot’s of crying and all….and now, you are 40 and you catch yourself wiping off your tears of this video…reminding you of a abandoned dad and all, how much difference does it make?

You are done.

Tears too much to wipe away…

D.L.L

There are significant cultural differences between different tribes in Iran (and elsewhere) in dialects, approach toward life, social behavior etc. and as a Azari, I try to understand that. All comprehendible ,BUT there are some fake ones! Check these out; Pronouncing Navardeboun as Tehrani dialect (remember Dariush song?) , Reading “Loznameh” in the morning while listing to “DIKS” etc etc. Well, we know them all, as Iranians we also can not pronounce some specific words correctly like “Washington” but sometimes we dare to choose the most difficult ones.....Just recently I went to see a cousin of mine, I was suppose to get a tool from her, she was busy at kitchen while I asked her not to forget to give me the “Drill” and she said ok. ..ten minutes afterward she went toward TV and DVD set and asked me “you said you wanted Dream or something?” amazed I said no dear, I asked for DRILL, Oreka in her mind she said ”aaah, you want Delel!” DLL? Delel? What the f…? why ,just tell me why on earth you choose that?

Well, that’s the story of our lives, isn’t it? Why we choose that?

..................

يادت هست زندگی چه خلوت بود؟ شبها تاريک بود؟ مٌبل راحتی روبروی من هميشه خالی بود؟ نمی دانی چقدر شلوغ شده است، برو و بيا، بريز و بپاش، قرتی بازی، درس، بستنی، سفر، کار، تلفن، ماشينسورای، آبونمان مجلات اقتصادی، خريد و خشکشويی؛ شهر فرنگ را يادت هست؟ همان، تحت ويندوز؛ ولی هنوز هم جای تو خالی است. انگار تمام اين قشقرق و هلهله و هياهو اصلا صدا ندارد، هر چه هست پژواک کمرنگ خاطرات روزهايی است که ديگر برنمی گردند.

Did I...?

Another sip from bottle, no, not like that, not like the good old days , dangling along the clouds of puffs and sipping endlessly of bottle of scotch or vodka, what would be the difference ? Alcohol would do the job…not anymore, just had water, mineral water containing 4.7% sodium and 8.9% calcium….enough to make high on an element of life, to take you back to your boat on the river…to wash away the bad taste in your mouth…

You hardly can hear it…it’s your personal phone, with that weird ring tone” That bitch ain’t part of me, I said no…”, it’s an old friend who tells you he pull aside on the road and started to cry on a song on the radio which reminds him of me….sweet Mary in heaven….he tells you things he shouldn’t have, he reminds of you bits and pieces….that’s cruel, God bless his good soul.

..And it reminds you that you are nothing but an aging fart moving with the speed of light to another world, to come back in misery again ‘cause there’s no “rest in peace”, the game shall begin again.

Midlife crisis ? maybe, but I cannot afford the bloody Porsche, I am left with bad taste in my mouth, oceans cannot wash it away…God bless you my friend but please don’t call me again, you reminded me of good old days, you left the bad taste in my mouth...